How do you know that you have a fear of commitment? That’s an easy one – if you want to use your fire escape every time your partner brings up anything about you two in the future, you should know that you definitely have symptoms. Most people that have issues with commitment don’t stop and think about it when they start freaking out – that’s the first mistake. In most cases, something simple is standing in between and you don’t need an expensive therapist to solve that for you. Another thing you should know – everyone gets nervous when they’re making life decisions, regardless of whether they are showing it. The difference is that those people know what they want and they are ready to pay the price.

What are you afraid of?

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@ iStock Photo/Kangah

Have you ever asked yourself this question? Before you act out and say things you don’t mean, you should know that the problem is with you. In the core of the fear of commitment is actually the fear of losing your freedom. Usually, people that have problems with this assume that they are going to be trapped for the rest of their lives, if they make a decision as big as moving in with a partner or getting married. The problem you really have isn’t with making a wrong decision – it’s in losing other options. The trick is in choosing the right path, or you may end up with no options whatsoever.

Make up your mind!

If you have a hard time when it comes to making the big decision, you probably have problems with making smaller ones, for example – what you want to eat or where you want to go out. Choosing just one option means that you’re going to reject all the other ones. So, if you have fried chicken for lunch, you can’t have spaghetti and pizza as well. It’s a tough decision, but the bottom line is that you’ll end up hungry if you can’t decide. The world is full of choices, so you can choose the one you want the most – it’s a gift and you shouldn’t think of it like it’s a curse.

What do you really want?

How to make the right choice? What is the right thing to do? Where to start? Ignore all these questions – they’re just confusing you. You should rely on your feelings in this type of situation. So, when your partner brings up that scary topic about your future, don’t think. Overthinking it is just going to make a mess in your head and lead to the results you won’t like when you look back. Go with your instincts because they’ll show you the way – don’t discard the first answer that pops up in your head – chances are that it’s the right one.

It’s time to face your fear!

You’re not a lost cause – you just need to work on your problem. Start with something easy and meaningless, like food. When you’re off to your lunch break, don’t change the first decision you’ve made and turn to the other side when you’re halfway there. You can always eat something else tomorrow. When you start handling these situations, it’ll be easier for you to talk with your partner. You don’t need to jump into big things right away, take it slow. Talk about where you will want to go tomorrow night, or which movie you want to watch tonight. There’ll be enough time for you to talk about long-term plans. Just make sure that your partner knows that you’re making baby steps.

What can be lost if you keep living in fear?

If you’re in a long relationship, you should know that everyone’s patience has its limits. If your partner tried to talk to you on more than one occasion, you shouldn’t keep him or her waiting much longer. If you keep it your way, there’s a possibility that no one will be waiting sooner than you think. Don’t let your reluctance stand in the way of your happiness. Use your imagination and look what kind of future you see for yourself. Spend more time in the bedroom. Do something crazy – get yourselves some costumes and indulge in some healthy cosplay. All in all, spend time with each other. Everything else is less important. When you have your priorities on your mind, you’ll know exactly what to do.

Linda has been a writer and an online enthusiast since 2009. She writes mostly about natural health, relationships and lifestyle. Linda is also part of a web strategy team for Australian costumes website known as Costume Collection.

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