by Marla Martenson
If you are single, the month of February brings up thoughts of love, romance and finding a soul mate. On the way to true love, you’ll be out in the trenches dating. It’s important to have fun with it and enjoy the process. It is also important to get clear on what qualities are important to look for in a long-term partner.
A person with these ten qualities is definitely soul-mate material!
A person who really listens to you. Listening shows someone is truly interested in you. It’s really that simple. Listening indicates respect and appreciation for the other person. Many women tell me that the biggest turn-on is a guy who knows how to listen. And, in fact, women say that the number-one reason they start seeing someone else, or if married, have an extramarital affair, is because the other man was a willing listener (and her guy wasn’t!). And, by the way, listening is an active pursuit. Seek out a partner who really hears what you are saying, who asks a question now and again that shows he or she understands and wants to hear more.
A person who’s intelligent.. A man wants to know that a woman can hold her own if he takes her to a business affair. And a woman feels more secure when she knows her man is intelligent enough to make his way in the world. You and your partner should be evenly matched when it comes to intelligence. You’ll never be bored living with someone who’s always learning and discovering!
A person who cares about his/her appearance. When couples get divorced, one of the biggest complaints that men have is that their wives stop keeping up their appearance. Chances are, if your partner gets sloppy about his or her appearance, he or she will be sloppy in other areas of life, as well. Look for someone who makes the effort to attract you even after you’ve been together a long time.
A person who satisfies you sexually. Sex is extremely important to a vital relationship. If a partner isn’t being satisfied sexually, he or she will look elsewhere, so, even if you’re tired or “not in the mood,” make the effort. You’ll soon find yourself “getting into it” and won’t regret the closeness you’ll share with your mate afterward. Seek a soul mate that’s compatible with you in bed.
A person who shares your interests. There is a popular saying that “opposites attract,” but it is important to share some interests, especially in areas like recreational and social activities. If he and his friends are big on backyard BBQs or tailgating for sports activities, and you’d rather spend the day at the mall, you’re going to grow farther and farther apart when football season rolls around. I’m not saying that you must have everything in common, but your partner and you should at least be willing to compromise. For example, I’m not into sports at all, but I went to the World Cup with my husband in July 2006, and actually cheered for his teams. He was ecstatic! Just the fact that I was willing to spend time with him doing what he likes really won his heart. Look for someone who’s willing to do the same for you.
A person who is romantic and affectionate. One of the ways to feel “emotionally” connected to your lover is through touch. Handholding, for example, makes women feel loved and desired. If you grab your partner’s hand on the sidewalk, and he hisses, “No PDA!” (public displays of affection), he’s not for you. Of course, you don’t need someone who is so affectionate in public that bystanders want to shout, “Get a room!” but little displays of romance—cheek kisses, handholding, or a touch on the small of her back—are important in a relationship.
A person with a stable career. A successful career means “safety” and “security,” especially for women who are seeking a soul mate. Money means many things to women: the luxury of being able to take time away from her own work or career when meeting the demands of raising a family; the security of providing for elderly parents; the security of a comfortable and safe retirement when elderly herself. It is important to be forward-thinking and prepared for the future. Seek out a partner who is financially stable. You don’t want to give up your dreams of having a family, a nice home and the things that go along with having a comfortable lifestyle because you’ve settled for someone who hasn’t quite gotten himself “together” yet.
A person with a great sense of humor. Spend the rest of your life with someone who makes you laugh! Your soul mate doesn’t have to be Robin Williams and put on a stand-up act, but being able to see the funny side of life and not be so serious goes a long way toward future happiness. Seek out someone who will make life’s journey a pleasant one. If a partner is always tense and fails to laugh when things go wrong, as they inevitably will, it sucks the joy out of life and destroys the pleasure of being in a relationship.
A person who does his or her fair share. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being your partner’s maid or butler? Early on in a relationship, you might love doing your man’s laundry or washing your girl’s car. But if you find yourself doing it all, while he or she expects more and more, the resentment will start to boil and eat away at the relationship. Look for a partner who does his or her fair share.
A person who has a good attitude. Seek out a partner who has an easy- going attitude. Avoid someone who nags, is inflexible, or is always complaining. If you can never seem to please your partner, no matter how hard you try; you’re going to have a miserable existence—and low self-esteem. Find someone who doesn’t fill the house with tension and anger, someone who can “go with the flow” when things go wrong—as they inevitably will. Look for someone who’s emotionally mature. If you’re always walking on eggshells around your partner, you’ll soon be in constant pain.
Marla Martenson, author of, Excuse, Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting, Good Date, Bad Date & Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker. Learn more about Marla at www.marlamartenson.com. Looking for your soul mate? Marla Martenson is a professional matchmaker/author/life coach/speaker visit